Thank You.

Thank you for being there when I was sad.
Thank you for putting up with my tantrum moments.
Thank you for protecting me.
Thank you for believing in me.
Thank you for making me see the best of me.
Thank you for noticing me when I was invisible.
Thank you.

“I don’t want you to be JUST a memory. I don’t want to pause time for I would like to spend every moment of my life with you.”

The only thing that is constant in this world is CHANGE.

People constantly change, why? Well if you would ask Sartre, that’s because we have a lot of possibilities and these possibilities define our identity. For the past few days, I’ve witness this quote come to real life. People whom I thought I really knew started to change or should I say show their true self. I just don’t know who to trust these days.

I’m FOCUSED but I am losing control.

I KNOW what I want and I have means to get it but sometimes I encounter distractions and I lose control. Grrr.. The hell. But hey, despite all those wrong turns, uphill, downside.. all those, I still got what I wanted.. hahahaha :D (evil laugh)

You CHOOSE where you devote your TIME.

I know I have to choose and face the consequences of what I’ve chosen. This year I chose to devote my time to work, work and work. You might think I’m crazy because work would just give me stress, but believe me, without work and me not being busy more madness comes in my mind. With work, I know I’ll have no time to think about the relationships that I’ve established with people. Less time for friends, for enemies, for.. what else.. basta less time for people whom I’ve already built some kind of “relationship”. Again, you would ask me why. Some crazy idea huh? But here’s my logic behind that:
“Quality over Quantity” – Choose your friends and start to build a strong companionship with them. Yeah, that’s what everybody’s saying. But hey, did you ever put into consideration that the deeper your friendship is more emotional investment is at stake. That’s the reason why I tend to have shallow relationships with my friends. I don’t want to be emotionally attached to someone because this will just cause my downfall. Cold-heart? No, not really. I just want to put a barrier around my heart for it is weak right now. Labo. I know you guys would not fully grasp this idea of mine, but I am hoping that soon enough you’ll understand what I am saying. I just don’t want to invest too much. I’ve learned my lessons. This might sound so selfish of me but the pain I’ve went through made me this way (so drama.. hahaha). I am not really selfish I just want to preserve myself, trying to put back the pieces of me. Maybe someday, when I am complete, I’ll begin to build deep relationships again, but for now, until next year, I won’t.

TRUST *08*02*07

Trust.

Trust for your friends.

Caution.

Not all your friends have the same personality.

They may have a different way of thinking.

Beware.

Choose.

Choose your friends.

Different people, different take of action.

Trust.

Trust for an individual.

Forgive but not forget.

It's easy to forgive.

Memories will still remain.

Love yourself.

If he hurts you, he doesn't deserve you.

Use your heart but open your mind.

"See i don't know why i like you so much, I gave you all of my trust. I told you I loved you, now it's all down the drain. You put through a pain, I wanna let you know how I feel. F*ck what i said, i dont miss you now. F*ck all those kisses you treated me jack! I dont want you back." -Eamon

Lines from Songs.

Guess the title of the song.

**To be only yours I pray..
**We don't need anything or anyone..would you run with me and just forget the world..
**Don't know how to act better fall back..
**I know I'm not that strong but it won't take long..
**I feel beautiful days with you..
**Embrace me as I am..
**I can do what she can do.. so much better..
**Even the best falls down sometimes..
**Will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned..
**Hindi ka ba napapagod? o di kaya'y nagsasawa?
**Nakita ko nang lahat ng ito, pinahihiwatig ng mata mo.. salamat na lamang sayo..
**Sandali na lang maaari bang pagbigyan?

RANTS. and PLANS.
stupid yahoo! -- i can't attach my files to my email! grr..
anyhoo.. my dad has been giving these sermons to my brother about college and life after college. He has been telling my brother to straighten up or he'll end up being a bum.. his line goes something like this: You should hit the elite colleges then get good grades and work for a multi-national company. Be more like your sister, she's in a good school now and I'm sure she'll get a good job. -like yeah.
Then it hit me. Would I get a good job? With an Atenean education? Is it enough? I guess not. Yes I am in Ateneo but a thousand of students are in the same school. Now, what's my edge? NOTHING! I am a typical Atenean getting an average grade, trying to survive the Atenean education. What a relief huh? The hell. I only have 1 year and a semester left to give my self a boost from this pool of Ateneans. Will I survive and get ahead of them? Or will I drown in this Atenean culture? Crap. Now my life is full questions that my planner can't answer (my planner is my life by the way, can't live a day without a specified schedule) Ok, now stop the drama and start working on your future plans fren!

True Blue Atenean.

Upon entering the so-called prestige school, The Ateneo, I told myself: this is what i chose better stick to it. Before college, I dreamt of going to LaSalle and take up Accountancy then get my CPA. Afterwhich, get a good job in a good bank, look for a husband, settle down and voila.. retire early enjoy life! Then all of a sudden, something interrupted my dream scene: THE COLLEGE ENTRANCE TEST RESULTS.

I have never imagined life to be this stressful, lots of papers, laboratory reports, researches, defense, etc. etc. not until I entered college. I have always loved school and the joy it brings me, my friends, our gimiks, my activities, cheerleading, being a cadette. All these things makes me want to go to school everyday, even if i have to get up early (6:00 am to be exact) and go home late (6:00 pm). 12 hours of nothing but pure learning and joy. This package also brings my super cool teachers.. yeah school rocks! -at least in CSA. Though, people are carefree, I know I'm happy when I'm with them and when I'm in school not like.. NOW.

Going to Katipunan everyday is a burden, not to mention exhausting. An hour drive from my house to Ateneo makes me think: Is this worth my effort? I go to school to face my annoying professors (some), my stressful lessons and yeah.. the heat. Well, ok, Ateneo is not that bad. The school showed me several things that I have not seen before, like the country's current situation, how to be a person for others and seeing things in a different perspective. I am thankful to Ateneo for that, making me expand my horizons and see what I really want in life. But the irony is, Ateneo showed me what I want but it also limits me from achieving such. Again, I go back to my dream, what if I studied in LaSalle and took up Accountancy.

That will forever be a dream because upon getting the results of the Entrance tests, my parents have already decided that I would go and study in Ateneo. I first received my LSet Result, and luckily I got what I want. That day I saw my dream starting to get real and be concrete, until the Acet Result came.

Now, I have this life.. A Management of Applied Chemistry student, not knowing what she wants and what she'll end up with. Still clinging on her dream but knows it'll never come true.

**Someone save me.. I'm drowning.

**The end justifies the means -true? or unsure.

**Happiness is a choice.

whew..im back!! and i think im back for good..haha..
just got back from the states and i missed my laptop and of course my blog..
i didnt get the chance to use a computer back in the land of milk and honeys :-( haayy..so now that im back, i'll abuse your my time and type the things that i did there all day..wahahaa..now you're trap onto reading this effing long blog!! wahahaha..goodluck na lang sayo..

hahaha..ok, first things first..it was march 31, around 7pm we were already inside the centennial airport getting ready to check in..(to think that our flight is around 10)..papa kasi eh..haha ;-) anyway, so we were there lining up..then my dad panicked..he said, "i didnt bring any peso"..eh, they have this terminal fee that'll cost us 250 each..oh my! we need 1250 PESOS..all my dad brought was dollars..fortunately, my sister brought some of her money and it covered the 1250 terminal fee..so there..same old thing..the thing that you do inside the airport..and finally i was sitting on one of the cushioned chairs of the plane..finally..we were on our way to,,oh yeah..the land of milk and honeys..(after a two-hour wait..hahaha)

april 1 came..and of course our plane already landed on US..yay!! we were inside the LA airport looking for Francis (our so-called tour guide and a family friend)..i was kind of shocked when i saw him coz he's only around 20's..he's kind of young..well, younger than what i expected..haha..so, ok back to whole travel thing..we were so tired of the flight (hello?!? 16 hours ka ba naman sa loob ng airplane) and we decided to stay inside the hotel that night..and it's already 10pm then so we just decided to sleep..

next day we were up for a lot of tours and sight-seeings..hmm..so..umm..where to go..my dad decided to go to staples center to get some tickets for the Lakers game next day..after getting some tickets Francis told us that there's this place in LA wherein snow falls everyday..wow! snow..so after a arguements, we finally decided to go there (even without the snow gears that we need)..imagine, us..and the snow..trying to fight each other..most of our snow pictures looks weird kasi naman ang lllaaammmiiggg..it was snowing talaga (as in snow flakes were falling) and the f*cking wind made things worse for us..haha..nice..so after a few shots and video shoot we decided to go down already before we die there..haha..on our way home, Francis' girlfriend suggested to drop by an outlet near the 'snowplace' (btw, the snowplace is called big bear city)..thus, because there were 4 girls inside the van, we headed off to the ontario outlet..wow! shopping shopping shopping..guess what happened next..haha

april 3, boring..i got sick because of the effing coldness of big bear..so my sister, mom and i just stayed inside our hotel room while my dad and my brother went to staples to catch the Lakers' game..nicee..

vegas..here we come..april 4..yes, it's the date to remember..we left LA at around 9am to get ready for the slot machines in vegas..it was really a quite long ride..around 5 hours (I think)..after getting so much attached to my cushioned seat inside the van we finally arrived in vegas..we checked in our hotel first then we’re off..we headed to the strip which is just a street away from our hotel..no lights yet..but as the night begins to embrace the city, one by one the little lights started to show..woohoo..this is the life! Shopping there..picture picture naman..site-seeing pa..haayy..love it! (oh yeah, I really looovvee the Bellagio dancing fountain..haayyy)

still in vegas, my dad decided to eat to look for a Filipino restaurant..hahaha..yeah..we badly miss Filipino food J (buti na lang meron) fine-dining restaurant with Filipino food: perfect! But the bill was overwhelming too..hahaha..so after a few more shopping stints (in las vegas outlet and fry’s) and a few more pictures I finally had time to meet my friend, Marianne..she’s my blockmate back here in Manila and coincidentally her family also went to US; thus, we decided to meet up..we met in front of the Bellagio to wait for the water show..picture picture..chit chats and we separated ways..we went to the Paris hotel and went up the Eiffel tower..the sight was sooo overwhelming..super..haayy..im in the sky..haha..

after eating in a Filipino restaurant my dad felt like he wants to eat several international food; thus, we headed to MGM for their grand buffet!! Yumyum..lotsa food and lotsa sweets..i love their desserts..we also decided to go inside the hotels to see their souvenir shops..after having a few or should I say a lot of souvenirs my dad met his colleague in Bellagio (gaya-gaya sila..haha)..we ate in Café bellagio..wow..yumyum..grabe..i was so full already..pero it’s ok..i love it this way..

aww..last day in vegas.. L I’ll miss this place..but I have to face it..i have to leave and move on..and so, we headed off to LA again..the ride was longer this time because we were caught in traffic..hayy..i never imagined that there was a traffic jam in US..haha..oh well..so we spent our April 7 inside the van and inside our hotel room..

April 8, I like this date..(wala lang)..we were soo tired from the travel the other day and decided to just stay inside the hotel or just walk around..in the afternoon we went around the street to look for a laundrymat..luck was on our side because the laundrymat was beside our hotel and guess what?..Manny Pacquiao’s training gym wildcard was also beside our hotel..the hotel receptionists also told us that Manny stayed in the same hotel where we were checked in..coolness..

Disney day!! Oh yeah..yes..we went to Disneyland this day..the weather was on our side because it didn’t rain all day but looks like most people thought of going to Disney that day..the lines were so looonnnggg!!! As in!!! hay..but I still enjoyed the experience just like when I was young..(that was like a few years back)

After walking all day in Disneyland, again, we rested.. we like resting J haha..this vacation was suppose to relax us, ok? So don’t blame us for resting and sleeping all day..oh yeah, we also did the laundry..coolness!!

After Disney what’s the best thing to do?? Go to Universal Studios!! Yey!! Though, the news in the early morning show says that rain will pour that day we still pushed through..haha!! Honestly, I enjoyed in Universal Studios more than Disney.. I don’t know why.. maybe it’s because of the long linesss that Disney’s rides have..(well who cares??) haha.. I love the new mummy ride!! And the Jurassic Park and 4d Shrek..yay!! I got scared in Van Helsing though

April 12, rest day again

Off to Hollywood.. The lights, the glamour..oh yeah I felt it! I love the Chinese theater and Ripley’s J we also shopped a few items yey!!

Last day in LA weird.. I was crying..haha.. I didn’t want to leave.. I got so attached to the city already..our room..the restaurants around our hotel..the free breakfast that the hotel serves..waahh…I’ll miss everything!! But just like what I said, everything has an end..

April 15 came..we’re headed to Chicago to look for my dad’s long lost brother..he hasn’t seen him for 36 years already..inside the plane I was thinking of whether we would find him or not..i was really wishing of finding him!! I wanna make my dad happy and I’m sure seeing my uncle would make my dad the happiest person in the world!

First day of our look-for-tito-eddie project we tried to look for his house..(actually we found it but it took sometime) we got lost in looking for it..stupid kasi eh..haha..the street that would lead to tito eddie’s house was just across from where we got off..hayy..so finally, we found his house..but no one’s inside..or so we think..my dad heard a lady talking to someone inside the house so we kept knocking until it rained..we were freezing outside his house..grabe..we were so frustrated already..and I think God sent us an angel in the name of Jessie..Jessie was tito Eddie’s bestfriend..he helped us..he told us that tito eddie’s wife was kind of weird so it’ll be best if we head off to his workplace..Jessie took us there but unfortunately, he was on-leave..the manager said that we would come back on Tuesday which is april 18 (our last day)..gosh..we really need to see him that day..so, failures as we are, we went home tired and kind of went because of the rain..

To release all of our frustrations we went to the 2nd largest mall in the United States..Woodfield..we shopped all our frustrations away and hoped for the best the next day..

April 18..This is our last chance to see Tito Eddie (we’ll be leaving the next day)..we went to his workplace at around 1 in the afternoon..after a few rounds around jewel osco, we saw a dark-colored guy who looks like a Filipino..when he faced us..we were shocked.. He embraced my dad and they both got teary-eyed.. (actually my dad cried and it crushed my heart).. But we all were happy then..FINALLY!! our journey has come to an end..a super sweet end.. hay yy..my dad and my uncle talked for quite a while and then we headed home with all the smiles in the world.. Thank God..

After 20 days of super happiness, we would have to leave already.. We need to get out of the States by 130pm or I’ll be dropping my classes back here in the Philippines.. Leaving was really hard because I would really love to stay but I have to go back and face reality..

hhayy..so there..20 days of fun and excitement..now im back to reality..and i have to study pa for my long test on tuesday..i really hope i get to go back to the states soon!! :-) yon lang..thanks for the patience..or sana natapos niyo talaga hehe.. :D

P.S.
I didnt edit this na ha..so sorry for typo-errors or sa kahit anong errors :-)
nakakatamad mag-edit it's so long..and i have to leave na.. :D

woohoo!! in less than 24 hours i'll be off to states..yay!
finally, out of this hot country..freedom from all the stress that lingers around me and some time for rethinking.. :-) hayy..i have a big problem though..it's raining cats and dogs in the west coast of the US of A..crap..so i will not get the chance to go around LA and feel the kiss of the sun..play around vegas..and feel the breeze of sanfo..haayy..i surely hope the rain would stop and bid us byebye once our plane lands on the land of milk and honey..hahaha..well, yon lang..wish me lots of luck and may our trip be safe :-)